Rend
By: Jimmy Needham
You’ve been tarnished
And you’ve been stained
And all the varnish you’ve used to cover up with is peeling away
Yet even now, return to me with nothing less
Than your wounded, broken heart
And cling to Me, your gracious King
Be shattered glass of empty jars and rend
Rend, rend, rend
Rend your hearts
You’ve been tarnished
And you’ve been stained
And all the varnish you’ve used to cover up with is peeling away
I don’t need a grand display
Show me that your heart has changed
I don’t need a show
Only just to know your own heart breaks
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
15 years ago
15 years ago today my life was turned up side down in a way I could never have imagined. It was late and my family was all in bed. Apparently the call came in the middle of the night, but my siblings and I did not awake. I remember waking up on Saturday morning to an eerie feeling that something was not right. My parents were not in their bed. Being the worrier that I am, I rushed downstairs to find my grandpa asleep in the chair and my parents no where to be found. Even at 11, I knew something had to be wrong. My grandpa awoke and took my brother and I into the kitchen. He told us that there had been an accident and our dear friends Lisa and Laura were involved in it. I felt a pit grow in my stomach. I still did not understand. What kind of an accident? Where they hurt? Where they alive? Where were my parents? It all felt so confusing and the room began to spin. Grandpa explained that my mom and dad had gone to be with Lisa and Laura's parents. Kathy and Tom have been my parents best friends for as long as I can remember and Kathy's twin daughters were Lisa and Laura. They were the same age as my brother, which was 4 years older than me. They were like sisters to us, as we were always over at each others houses. We celebrated Christmas and New Years together, went to each others birthday parties and other special events. They were family. I remember thinking they were the coolest girls I knew and I so badly wanted to be like them. I have a younger sister and adore being her big sister, so the twins were like my big sisters.
There are gaps in my memory of that day, but I remember grandpa telling us to get dressed and we would go over to his house, where my grandma would fix us breakfast. I remember him showing us the front page of the newspaper which was story about the accident. A car with 5 passengers had been struck my a train. There were 2 adults in the front seat and 4 teen girls in the back seat. There were 2 survivors. One of the adults and one of the teen girls. The adult was life flighted to a nearby hospital, but died shortly after arriving and the teen girl was rushed to a hospital also. Her name was Holly and she was one of the twins best friends.
My memories then skip to when we were at my grandparents house. My grandma was so loving. I remember her cooking for us and talking so sweetly to my siblings and I. We watched movies and played with toys in the living room. I felt weird. My mind was still racing and was in denial. The twins could not possibly be dead, they were only 15. Late in the morning my parents called to talk with us, I remember getting on the phone and asking my mom where she was. She explained that she was with Kathy and Tom and they had gone to the site of the accident. I then asked her if the twins were dead, possibly more than one time and she gently replied that yes they were. In that instant I could not deny it anymore. It was no longer a story on the front page of the newspaper, it was a reality in our life. Mom said she loved us and would be home later that day...I could tell she had been crying. My memories of the rest of the day fade in and out. We had macaroni and cheese for lunch, but I don't think anyone ate very much. I remember a close family friend coming to take my brother on a walk to give him some time to process...they were after all his age. I don't really remember anything else...not even my parents coming home that night, although I am sure they did. The next few days were a blur. I know that we spent a lot of time at my grandparents as mom and dad helped Kathy and Tom. I recall having this fear that because of this tragic event people would be angry at God. I didn't understand how something like this could happen...in essence the whole "why do bad things happen to good people" thing, but I knew that God was still somewhere in this...watching over us...and now I realize holding us up.
I remember all the talk about the funeral. The viewing was the night before at the funeral home...it was packed. Hundreds of people filed through the building. I sat on a chair in the waiting room with an activity book on my lap. I could not go in. My parents were so great about talking with my siblings and I about the whole thing and letting us experience the grief and pain in our own ways. My dad came out several times to see if I wanted to go in...but I could not. I was too afraid. I think part of my thought that if I did not see them, it would not be real. I could not bear the thought of seeing these 2 girls who I loved so much and were so full of life...without life. The next day was the funeral. An hour before the service was another viewing for the family. Kathy and Tom wanted us in there. I talked with my parents and decided that I wanted to see the twins. I slowly walked up the isle holding my dads hand until I could see them. It was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. I memorized what they were wearing. I don't know why, but I did.
The funeral service was packed...hundreds of people, they even had to have overflow rooms. The twins were very loved. I don't remember everything, but I remember crying and staring at the now closed caskets in disbelief. Kathy sat in front of us and weeped, as did my mom and dad. Two teen boys sang the song "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith and there was not a dry eye in the whole room. After the service we went to the grave site for another short service. We each put roses on the caskets. My grandparents and uncle then took my siblings and I out to eat while my parents stayed with Kathy and Tom to watch the burial. I don't remember much else from that day. I know there were many more discussions with my parents about the details of the accident and the funeral they were gracious enough to answer them age appropriately. My mind was so curious about everything and anything relating to the twins and the accident.
My family and Kathy and Tom's family had already been close, but this experience brought us even closer in a way that is hard to explain in words as we all learned to live live without the twins. Going to their house was weird at first, but then grew very comforting. I think Kathy and Tom liked having us kids around to help fill the silence. We all made small steps in moving forward with life, but at the same time celebrating the lives of Lisa and Laura and honoring their memory. We still talk about them often and share pictures and funny stories. I have missed them so very often these last 15 years and have often thought about what it would be like if they were still here. I then think about how I am thankful that I serve a God who has sustained Kathy and Tom and all of us who love and miss the girls so dearly through such heartbreak and loss. So today on this anniversary of a very sad day, I will also praise the God who heals wounds, comforts the broken-hearted and loves unconditionally.
There are gaps in my memory of that day, but I remember grandpa telling us to get dressed and we would go over to his house, where my grandma would fix us breakfast. I remember him showing us the front page of the newspaper which was story about the accident. A car with 5 passengers had been struck my a train. There were 2 adults in the front seat and 4 teen girls in the back seat. There were 2 survivors. One of the adults and one of the teen girls. The adult was life flighted to a nearby hospital, but died shortly after arriving and the teen girl was rushed to a hospital also. Her name was Holly and she was one of the twins best friends.
My memories then skip to when we were at my grandparents house. My grandma was so loving. I remember her cooking for us and talking so sweetly to my siblings and I. We watched movies and played with toys in the living room. I felt weird. My mind was still racing and was in denial. The twins could not possibly be dead, they were only 15. Late in the morning my parents called to talk with us, I remember getting on the phone and asking my mom where she was. She explained that she was with Kathy and Tom and they had gone to the site of the accident. I then asked her if the twins were dead, possibly more than one time and she gently replied that yes they were. In that instant I could not deny it anymore. It was no longer a story on the front page of the newspaper, it was a reality in our life. Mom said she loved us and would be home later that day...I could tell she had been crying. My memories of the rest of the day fade in and out. We had macaroni and cheese for lunch, but I don't think anyone ate very much. I remember a close family friend coming to take my brother on a walk to give him some time to process...they were after all his age. I don't really remember anything else...not even my parents coming home that night, although I am sure they did. The next few days were a blur. I know that we spent a lot of time at my grandparents as mom and dad helped Kathy and Tom. I recall having this fear that because of this tragic event people would be angry at God. I didn't understand how something like this could happen...in essence the whole "why do bad things happen to good people" thing, but I knew that God was still somewhere in this...watching over us...and now I realize holding us up.
I remember all the talk about the funeral. The viewing was the night before at the funeral home...it was packed. Hundreds of people filed through the building. I sat on a chair in the waiting room with an activity book on my lap. I could not go in. My parents were so great about talking with my siblings and I about the whole thing and letting us experience the grief and pain in our own ways. My dad came out several times to see if I wanted to go in...but I could not. I was too afraid. I think part of my thought that if I did not see them, it would not be real. I could not bear the thought of seeing these 2 girls who I loved so much and were so full of life...without life. The next day was the funeral. An hour before the service was another viewing for the family. Kathy and Tom wanted us in there. I talked with my parents and decided that I wanted to see the twins. I slowly walked up the isle holding my dads hand until I could see them. It was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. I memorized what they were wearing. I don't know why, but I did.
The funeral service was packed...hundreds of people, they even had to have overflow rooms. The twins were very loved. I don't remember everything, but I remember crying and staring at the now closed caskets in disbelief. Kathy sat in front of us and weeped, as did my mom and dad. Two teen boys sang the song "Friends are Friends Forever" by Michael W. Smith and there was not a dry eye in the whole room. After the service we went to the grave site for another short service. We each put roses on the caskets. My grandparents and uncle then took my siblings and I out to eat while my parents stayed with Kathy and Tom to watch the burial. I don't remember much else from that day. I know there were many more discussions with my parents about the details of the accident and the funeral they were gracious enough to answer them age appropriately. My mind was so curious about everything and anything relating to the twins and the accident.
My family and Kathy and Tom's family had already been close, but this experience brought us even closer in a way that is hard to explain in words as we all learned to live live without the twins. Going to their house was weird at first, but then grew very comforting. I think Kathy and Tom liked having us kids around to help fill the silence. We all made small steps in moving forward with life, but at the same time celebrating the lives of Lisa and Laura and honoring their memory. We still talk about them often and share pictures and funny stories. I have missed them so very often these last 15 years and have often thought about what it would be like if they were still here. I then think about how I am thankful that I serve a God who has sustained Kathy and Tom and all of us who love and miss the girls so dearly through such heartbreak and loss. So today on this anniversary of a very sad day, I will also praise the God who heals wounds, comforts the broken-hearted and loves unconditionally.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Blog Construction
I'm trying to make my blog look and feel a little more inviting...so bear with me as I am figuring out how to change things.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Jumbled Thoughts
I think I've hit a wall again...in writing that is. So many thoughts all jumbled up in my brain and racing like crazy from one corner to the other. Hopefully one day soon I will be able to spit them out on to paper.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Slappin Da Bass
So I know that this clip is completely ridiculous, but it makes me laugh so hard everytime I watch it! Enjoy... or not...
(Click the title to go to the video...thats the only way it would work)
(Click the title to go to the video...thats the only way it would work)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thankful Thursday
I'm Thankful:
- for fresh, clean clothes straight from the dryer.
- for friends from high school that i still keep in touch with.
- for music that matches my mood.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Inspiring
http://www.jumpdavidjump.typepad.com/
http://blog.amywenzel.com/
Above are the links to 2 blogs that I have been following for the last month or so. Allow me to introduce you to David & Amy Wenzel. A couple that I myself have never met, but after reading their story on their blogs have been deeply affected by their life, faith and work.
I would encourage you to check them out. David has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor and they are both very open about the journey they are on and how God is at work. I promise you will be blessed. Lets join together in lifting them up in prayer.
http://blog.amywenzel.com/
Above are the links to 2 blogs that I have been following for the last month or so. Allow me to introduce you to David & Amy Wenzel. A couple that I myself have never met, but after reading their story on their blogs have been deeply affected by their life, faith and work.
I would encourage you to check them out. David has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor and they are both very open about the journey they are on and how God is at work. I promise you will be blessed. Lets join together in lifting them up in prayer.
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